Monday, June 23, 2008

What is wrong with me?!?!?!?

Last night, as I sat here at the computer writing about how blessed I am and thinking about how truely thankful I am for those blessings Bethanie got up 3 or 4 times and came into the dining room. She was suppose to be in bed...asleep...obviously she wasn't. I yelled at her several times to go get back in bed, don't get up again. She wanted me to come lay with her, I kept telling her NO, not tonight. I was getting really frustrated with her. She doesn't usually act like that, it's Elianna I usually have the "getting out of bed" problem with. The thought kept coming to me, why is she doing this, why does she have to act this way when I am trying to blog, why does she have to bother me when I am trying to write about my blessings.......OMG, my biggest blessing and I am getting frustrated at her for BOTHERING me. What is my problem!?!?!?!?!? So I quickly finished my post, went and shed a few tears, then went and layed down with her. I told her how much I loved her, that I was terribly sorry for yelling at her. I told her how special she was to me, I hugged her and patted her back, and I watched her fall asleep. I then prayed like I said I was going to and I thanked God for the extra reminder of my blessings. And as I layed there in bed with her, trying to think of why she was so upset and having a hard time going to sleep. I remembered that she had watched Extreme Home Makeover (I was listening to it as I straightened up after dinner). The show last night was about a family who had taken in the sisters children after their mother was murdered. The one young girl was talking and crying about how she had been beside her father in the seat of the car during a wreck that took his life. Then when her mother and her boyfriend (who the children dearly loved) were murdered, this girl was the first to see them. I think, for Bethanie, letting her watch that was worse than watching a scary movie (which I do not allow). Movies are fake, THAT was a real person talking about the tragedy of loosing her parents. For a child I don't think there is much worse than the thought of loosing her Mommy or Daddy, not knowing what would happen to them if it were to happen, and think Bethanie may have been thinking about that last night as she tried to go to sleep :( I feel so bad that I didn't stop what I was doing and go be with her the first time she asked. Now I am off to go watch my two biggest blessings, my 2 princesses, sleep peacefully and thank God for them again.

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