HIP, HIP, HORRAYYYYY!!!!!!

SPRING BREAK IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND....

Today is the......first.....day.....of...........

SPRING!!!!!!

YEA, YEA, YIPPEE, YEA!!!!

After the week I've had, all I can say is PRAISE THE LORD!!!

I have spent every spare second this week working on a project for my one class. After approximately fourteen hours, yes that's right 14 HOURS of working on this darn lexicon thing and still not being done, I go to the computer lab, following a test that completely fried my brain, to work on it longer and it DISAPPEARED off my jump drive!!! Yes that is correct again...IT DISAPPEARED...all 13 pages of it! After an hour and some very intense feelings of needing to cry and vomit (literally, I am not kidding here) "THE computer guy" at the college managed to find it!!! So I took a little break, got some lunch with a friend, skipped my other class, then got back to work for the next 3 1/2 hours till it was finally FINISHED and SUBMITTED!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

And Spring break officially began!

I stopped and got a pizza for dinner, headed home and lazed in lazy boy recliner for the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow, the girls and I are headed to a Princess Party, then I will spend the entire rest of the week cleaning and organizing my house, prettying up my yard, getting school work ahead of schedule, and just enjoying my time off of school with my girlies.

I will promise you this, sometime this week I will do a much overdue post with pictures from Elianna's birthday party (from early February) , the princess party , and everything in between. So now I am headed to bed for some sweet spring time dreams...goodnight!

My feelings are hurt...or somthing

It's nearly 2 am, I have a presentation in my class at 10 am that is not completely ready, yet here I sit, my mind unable to focus on anything other than the hurt I am feeling from someone elses words from earlier in the day.
I have been struggling lately with the time I am away from Elianna. Since I first became a mom 8 1/2 years ago, my entire life has focused around my girls. Going back to college is the first thing I have done for myself (and really it's not just for myself in the long run, but for now it does feel that way). I am really not away from her much, I have a class on Tuesday evenings and then on Friday when she doesn't have preschool I have class from 8-2. But this month has had alot going on, First the David Cook concert which I couldn't stop thinking about the girls and asking myself why I was there (I did have fun, the concert was ok, MUCH harder rock and louder than I expected, but being with an old friend was fun). Then there was the volunteering at the food pantry for my one class, then there was the play that Bethanie and I went to, and then this weekend when Bethanie and I went to a Girl Scout indoor campout. Elianna has spent the night with my mom or my sister 2 weekends this month. I feel like all I have been doing is pawning Elianna off every Friday. And it doesn't help that every week when I take her to my aunt's house bright and early on Friday morning that she cries when I leave, telling me "I want you!". It about kills me to have to leave! It also doesn't help that I had to keep her home from preschool on Thursday (she locked both set of keys in the van) yet instead of enjoying our time together, I felt like she was a teenager and we spent the whole day battling with each other. All that to say I have been struggling, not feeling like a good mom, having issues with missing my "baby".
Then today happened. We had a dinner at church. I was up at the counter getting my plate, thoughts of where I was going to sit running through my head. I usually sit by my sister but today her husband came, they sat with some other people and there was no room at their table. Then I hear it, my aunt (the same one who watches Elianna on Fridays) and my sister (who Elianna spent the night with on Friday) talking, their coversation goes something like this...
Aunt: (says something but I am not tuned in to what is being said yet)
Sis: Yea, I don't get it, she has no problem coming to our house even though B (BIL) yells at her the whole time she is there.
I realize they are talking about Elianna, how she cries every time I drop her off at my aunts house. That's when my aunt say....
MAYBE SHE JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE TREATS HER RIGHT
and my sister chuckles a little and says yea, maybe so.
I glanced up at them while my heart broke into a million very small pieces. I am not sure if their conversation continued after that, if I just tuned out, or if they know I heard them, but I was hurt. I AM HURT.
I am the only one on that side of my family that has ever been a stay at home mom. I was there for my girls 24/7 the first 8 years of Bethanie's life and first almost 4 of Elianna's. I took good care of my sister's girls while she worked full time from the time they were born till I went back to school and I took care of my aunts granddaughter from the time she was 8 months old till she started preschool at almost 4 while her mom finished school and started working a full time job. Now that I am in school, I am away from my girls less than I would be if I worked a full time job like the others, Yet for some reason I am a bad mother. Is DH a wonderful father? no, he acts like a drill sargent at times and he doesn't make spending quality time with them a priority by any means but is he horrible? No! And I have always strived to make it up to them where he falls short.
I am just really hurt by their words and am not sure what to do. Will I be able to take Elianna and drop her off at my aunt's after this? I just really don't know. And I guess if I need someone to keep Elianna over night I will call my mom.

Honestly?!?!

WOW! I won an award!! Thanks Jen!!! I think it's my first one ever!!


The rules for this award:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
Show the winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.”
They can keep the little Honest Scrap sign.

Ok, well I think all the blogs that I would give this to have already recieved it so....

Then list at least 10 honest things about yourself.
1. I would love to someday "Flip" a house. That's where you buy a cheap house, redo everything that needs done, then turn around and sell it again. You can make a years sallery in about 2 months. This would be a good summer activity for me after I become a teacher and the kids are older :)

2. I finally feel like "YES, I really can do this college thing", it took me getting some grades in to really feel this way.

3. I do miss my nieces but I DO NOT miss babysitting!

4. My house is unbelieveable cluttered, messy, and right now dirty but unless someone mentions coming over, it doesn't really bother me to much. Well at least not enough to actually postpone other things in order to get it organized and cleaned up.

5. I am shy and insecure but I am working really hard to overcome it.

6. I am more excited about the David Cook concert that I am going to with an old friend and 2 of her friends that I don't know, than I have been about anything for quite a while :) only 5 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girls night out!!!! Ok, so one of the friends is a guy, from Moroco but that's ok.

7. No one in my real life knows I have a blog. My DH could easily find it since I have it saved to the tool bar at the top of the computer screan but he probably doesn't care.

8. I am a BIG time procrastinator! I swore I would not be when I started back to college but it's just who I am. Last week a paper that we had known about for weeks (I think about 4 weeks actually) was due on Friday by 5pm. I finished and submitted it...at 4:56pm. I hadn't even started it till a couple hours before that. I wish I could change but don't know how.

9. I often wonder if Bethanie's extreme shyness is my or DH's fault in some way.

10. I am volunteering at a Food Pantry two days this week and I am nervous that I will see people I know come in.

It came

That ice that was coming down in my last post....WELL, even though the meteorologist on the local news more or less PROMISED it wouldn't be as bad as in 2003, saying the storm in 2003 was a one in 100 year occurance. Well.....HE.....WAS.....WRONG!!!! We got the ice, lost electric on Wednesday (realized it at 5am when Elianna woke me up by patting on me but I couldn't see who she was) went to stay with my sister. Electric came back on late on Friday. Went home on Saturday but didn't have phone, cable, or internet until Late Monday afternoon. I felt completely out of touch with the world.

No more pupcakes

Today was a sad day for me (ok, at least a couple minutes were sad anyway). This morning as Elianna and Bethanie were enjoying left over "pupcakes" from Elianna's birthday party yesterday, Bethanie informed Elianna that they are really called CUPcakes rather than PUPcakes. So Elianna declared....From now on, I'll say it right, they are CUPcakes :( I thought I was going to cry. Bethanie called them pupcakes until probably a year or two ago, and then that's what Elianna has called them since she started talking. Now...my babies are growing up...and we won't have anymore PUPcakes in our house ever again :( :( :( I will definitely miss that!!

It's coming down!

Ice that is! Since just after noon today, we have been getting icy rain which is falling on top of the already 5+ inches of snow we got last night! Me or either of the girls had school today because of the snow, they didn't have school on Monday either because we had gotten about 2 or so inches on Sunday. Now for tomorrow, school is already cancelled again because of the ice. Even the college is closed again. As I sit here in the quiet of my home looking around on the net, I hear the ice/rain coming down (it's coming down as rain now but is freezing as it hits the ground) and I have heard 3 trees fall (maybe they were just branches but they sure seemed loud). All this brings back the bad memories of the ice storm we had back in 2003, we were without electric for several days, therefore had to go stay with other family because we had no heat. We came out of that storm with, other the inconvience of staying with someone else in the dark, no damage to our selves, our home, or our cars. However MANY people around our area were not so lucky. Many people were hurt from not having heat, from falling on the ice, trees fell on homes, vehicles were destroyed from crashes and falling trees, many homes suffered damage from busted water pipes, etc. The area looked like a war zone! I am just hoping and praying that it's not that bad this time!!

Need to take a break

I know I don't post very often on my blog anyways but I feel if I make a post about this then I will be more willing to hold myself to it. I am only going to have ONE "not for school" Internet day a week. That day will be Saturdays. So from here on out I plan to not visit my boards, my blogs, or any other site that doesn't pertain to school on any day other than Saturdays (and I can't guarantee I will even have time every Saturday). I thought I would have plenty of time to do school work in my free time BUT I didn't realize not only do I have class and lots of homework (and man is it a lot, A LOT of reading, A LOT of writings, and lots of class projects), but I also have field time that wasn't scheduled in. I thought Wednesdays and Thursdays were going to be free, those and Tuesdays were going to be my days to get all my work done so that evenings were pretty free to do all the evenings normal mom stuff. However after having my first days of all my classes I realized that isn't going to be the case. Wednesdays I have to go to one site for one class, Thursdays I am volunteering with Big Brother, Big Sister for another class. Then I have to fit in visits with 4 teachers from at least 2 different schools for my intro in Early childhood ED class and then observe one class room with a literacy center and begin working with a student for my literacy class all within the next 2 weeks!!! So i am off to go set up some field time, see you Saturday... maybe :)