Happy Mother's Day!

Late March of 2000, that was when I found out I was going to be a mommy for the first time. You could say that is when I BECAME a mother because as soon as I got those results of a positive pregnancy blood test, I loved my baby, I would have done anything and everything to protect my baby, I did everything I could to give my baby the best start in life. First after only a few weeks into the pregnancy I started spotting, I felt completely helpless, I had no control. Thankfully, my fears were not coming true, baby was fine. I only had an infection and some hormone levels were low, both were "fixable" with meds. I looked forward to getting huge, having people feel my rock hard belly, and seeing and feeling the babies kicks. I actually looked forward to getting heart burn, sleepless/uncomfortable nights, labor starting all on it's own, possibly even my water breaking at the most embarrassing time. I hoped for a completely natural birth, no pain meds were in my plans. I was more scared of the thought of a shot than I was of pushing a big ol' baby out a not so big hole. I dreamed of pushing her out and when the doctor lays her on my chest I would give her a kiss and tell her how much I loved her. I couldn't wait to feed her the mild that my body made for her. Yet, no matter what I dreamed of or hoped for, no matter what I did or could have done, my body failed me and my baby. At the very beginning of my second trimester, when I should have been getting over morning sickness and having more energy, instead my blood pressure started to rise. Over the next 13 weeks, I started BP meds and numerous times had to increase the dosage as my BP just kept rising. Then on Tuesday night, August 29th, after a weekend of headaches and another rise in BP med dosage, my back just would NOT stop hurting. Finally I went to the hospital, thinking I was just being a wimp, after all it's NORMAL to have back pain while pregnant, right? Only I wasn't normal. The doctor ended up keeping me for what he said would be a 24 hour observation. Before the 24 hours was even up, I got the bad news, I had Pre-eclampsia and needed to be sent to a hospital with an NICU. I don't remember there being any mention then of needing to deliver right away, the doctor had said "just in case the baby would have to be delivered early". Then when I got to the "big" hospital, they said I would be there till baby was born. I remember thinking, wow, 13 weeks in the hospital that's 1 1/2 hours from home, not what I had planned but anything for the safety of my baby. Well those 13 weeks I was looking at, turned out to be a mere 3 days! On September 3, 2000 Bethanie Ann was born by emergency c-section, 13 weeks before she was suppose to, weighing only 1 pound 12 ounces, while I slept and completely missed it all. It was almost 24 hours later before I got to see her for the first time and another 20 days before I would ever get to hold her in my arms. Besides there being a baby, NOTHING about the birth was what I had hoped or dreamed of.

As I thought about what I wanted to post about on this Mother's Day, I knew I wanted it to be about me becoming a mother yet no matter what thoughts ran through my head, PE was always part of the thoughts. At first that frustrated me immensely. Then I really thought about it. Yes, PE robbed me of all my dreams of pregnancy and giving birth BUT, PE also made me the mother I am today. If it wasn't for PE I would more than likely never have became a stay-at-home mom, I may have not realized how truly blessed I am to have 2 healthy children. I would have loved my children no matter what, but I probably would not have realized how special they truly are.

So to all of you mother's out there that PE robbed you of your dreams, to those of you that were robbed of getting to meet your child before their last breath, and even to all of you that did have your dream pregnancy and delivery...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

My pampering and bed bug bites!

My funny little Elianna calls all bug bites, bed bug bites, lol. A week or so ago she had some bug bites on her legs. She kept talking about them, saying they were boo boos but she didn't know how she got them. So I told her they were bug bites. She didn't know what to think of that, she talked about them for DAYS after, telling everyone that a bug bit her (almost like it was a mean dog biting her).

Then yesterday, Elianna and the other 2 little girls that I was babysitting were pampering me. The one little girl is obsessed, truthfully she is completely obsessed with playing doctor. I said something about my arm hurting and she said "me dockah (doctor), me make you feel better" lol. So she told me to lay down, and she kept rubbing my arm with a baby wipe, lol. She kept pointing out all my "boo boos" (most were moles or freckles, lol). Then Elianna and the other little girl joined in. They were rubbing my belly, by head, my face, my arms and legs, and one of them washed my hair all with baby wipes. This went on for at least 10 minutes. I felt like such a princess :) When Elianna was rubbing my legs, she noticed a bug bite and said "Mommy, you got a bed bug bite" I said " A bed bug????", "yea, see it" lol, it was a mosquito bite. The only place I can think that she ever even heard of bed bugs is off that cartoon Miss Spiders Sunny Patch Kids. Somehow she has gotten Bed Bugs and Mosquitoes confused! Even last night when we were outside when it was getting dark, she said "It getting dark, that's when the bed bugs come out and bite us." That's what I had told her about mosquitoes a couple weeks ago.

I remember about a year ago or so, when I tucked the girls into bed, I told them "Don't let the bed bugs bite" Big mistake and I haven't said it again, lol. They asked me a million questions about bed bugs and even after I answered all that I could, I could just tell that both of them were laying there REALLY thinking hard about those bed bugs that they needed to keep from biting them, lol.